This week is my week of rest.

True rest.

Needed rest.

Like, nothing on the agenda or to-do list (FINALLY!) kinda rest.

I found myself so focused on truly resting this week that this morning, my mind suddenly started racing with all the things I wanted to give my attention to over the next few days. And once again, I got overwhelmed.

I wanted to re-organize my room, but thought “I’ll do that in my off week.” I wanted to review and prepare my 2022 financial budget…“I’ll do that in my off week.” I wanted to put together a few social media posts and content ideas…“off week.” And so on, and so on. My off week was beginning to feel so full, it was becoming increasingly difficult to call it a week of rest unless…..I said NO to it all.

And that’s what I’m doing.

Currently, I’m curled up in bed thinking about what shows and movies I plan to binge. Tuning out the world for a few days this week and allowing my mind to be at rest. To let my body be at rest. And to be okay with saying no to a to-do list that’ll surely be waiting for me when I’m ready to resume.

A few weeks ago, I shared this struggle that I was storing something…didn’t quite know what it was but just felt something lingering beneath the surface. And not much had changed in the days since. But as I shared some time with my younger brother on Christmas Day, he shared this clip with me from the new Disney movie, Encanto. I haven’t seen the film in its entirety, but his reason for sharing (the musical composition and dancing donkeys lol) and my take away from it (the lyrics and messaging) were meant to collide this weekend. That song, and the timeliness in him sharing it, was exactly what I needed to hear to pierce through some of those stored feelings and finally bring them to the surface.

I’m her, whatever her name is. And without knowing the context of the film – hmmm..maybe that’s the movie I’ll watch after this – so much came together for me that evening. And it’s swirling in my mind ever since.

I’m the seemingly strong one in many of my circles.

The independent one. Sometimes not by choice.

The one who “has it altogether.”

I make it happen. I show up. I perform well.

I shoulder much emotional weight.

I’m the one so many depend on.

But under the surface?

I’m tired.

I can’t always hang.

I don’t want to always hang.

I’m full of doubt. I worry. I’m nervous.

I find more worth in what I DO sometimes or how I can serve others than I do in who I am.

I’m sick of being so independent.

I’m, literally, one small crack away from the whole house collapsing.

But when this woman cut to the bridge and sang:

 But wait

If I could shake the crushing weight of expectations

Would that free some room up for joy

Or relaxation, or simple pleasure?

Instead we measure this growing pressure

Keeps growing, keep going

‘Cause all we know is

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa

…the goosebumps were real, y’all.

This song, and that line, was God’s sweet melody to my ears.

A confirmation.

A reminder.

A new intention.

And a fresh dedication to take all that pressure, all that weight, all that independence…and give it to Him, exchanging the space it occupies on my shoulders with His joy, His rest, and the simple pleasure of Him alone.

So this week, as I rest, I plan to begin the transfer.

It’s all yours, God. Take it…pleeeeeeease, take it.

What a fitting way to prepare my heart for a brand new year.