My Word of the Year might just be SINGLE.

It’s reared it’s head a few more times since that unexpected conversation with my uncle a few weeks ago. 

Consider this installment #2 of the leaning in.

It happened again.

The dating question.

And we’ve officially transitioned into family AND friends asking.

I don’t know what it is about being “nudged” by your friends to date that gives me the slight impression that they feel sorry for me. Ugh, I know that’s not the case. I know they want the best for me and that they believe in everything I pray for, but it still gives me a sprinkling of “poor Monique, how can we help her not be alone” vibes.

I had a girls night this weekend. A much needed girls night. And after a night of conversation, primarily surrounding marriage, it was only obvious that I’d get hit with either the “get ready [for marriage]” comments or the general dating commentary. I think I may have been hit with both that night, but right after the whole “get back on Bumble” question, this one followed: What “I’m available” signs are you sending?

Hmmm…..I hadn’t thought about what I’m projecting.

But if I had to answer on the fly, easy. 

Probably none.

I have a pretty typical routine of waking up, getting dressed, grabbing a matcha (9 times out of 10 from the car), going to work and going home. Rinse and repeat. And because the workdays are long and stressful, my weekends are filled with my best homebody-ing.

Sure I enjoy a good social outing from time to time, but when you’re the lone single gal in a group of married mamas, “girls nights out” tend to truly be “girls nights IN” where we just meet at someone’s house, eat, chat while the kids play all around us. This weekend, we actually ventured out. We actually put real clothes on and went out into the world. But guess where? Insert camp-themed-family-restaurant here.

FAMILY. RESTAURANT.

So NOT the single gal vibes that would first come to mind. I’ve never said “hmmm..I’m single. let me roll up to said restaurant and mingle.” By the time I walked out, I told me friend I felt more like a lumberjack than a single, available woman.”

The following day, I went to a brunch event with 20-something strangers. A meet up group for women who like to brunch. A community builder, of sorts. There I sat, already incredibly uncomfortable, an introvert in, what calls for, an extroverted environment. As women introduced themselves and went around the table engaging with one another, I took notice of two questions that seemed to emerge moreso than any other:

1. What do you do?
2. Are you married?

The longer the event went on, the more my mind anchored to these two areas.

Two areas that define us, as women. 

Two areas that are somehow used to filter large groups down to a select few who, maybe, you have more in common with than others…? Enough commonalities to build some sort of friendship. Am I nit-picking, or has anyone else noticed that, when it comes to women socializing with other women, these two comments work their way into the conversation pretty early on and more often than in conversations shared by men? I don’t have the answer, or even the time to sit and dive into the whys, but I’m aware at the very least. And as someone who is 1) single and 2) desiring to “do” work in a business that is very much in transition, and in some areas, very much non-existent, I’d much rather pose questions like “what would you do if money, time and resources were no issue?” or “what impact do you hope to leave on the world?” I want to know silly things like your favorite Starbucks order, or heck, do you even drink coffee? I want to know the woman, outside of the marital status or the career she holds. The true woman. The hidden woman. The creative woman. The entrepreneurial woman. The woman with a fire burning deep in her soul for something no one knows about. Or no one ever asks about. 

I wish we’d ask the questions that made women feel seen, known, and….accepted. 

But that’s just me. 

Another day, another single rant.