So I saw an old friend of mine in the drive through line at Starbucks yesterday. She didn’t see me, but I could see her in my driver’s side mirror, two cars behind me.

I remember staring at her (not creepy or anything lol) and suddenly feeling these butterflies in my stomach. This weird sensation that seemed to linger for my entire drive to church.

All I could think about was how long it had been since I’d seen her in person – albeit through a mirror.

I thought about my last conversation with her.

I thought about how crazy it was that our families live mere blocks from each other and yet, I hadn’t run into her in yeeeears. San Diego can feel like a small box many times, but in our case, it always felt more like a continent.

For almost 15 years, she’d been in my life. Attached at my hip for many of them. Side by side. My bestie for the restie.

Or so I’d thought.

Gosh, that time in my life felt sooo long ago. And yet, seeing her brought back this sense of not really knowing the two girls who used to be more like sisters.

I was a different person now.

No longer the girl who fought so hard for friendship, feeling desperately like I needed to prove my worth in hopes of being needed.

No longer the girl who sacrificed herself and her feelings to keep the peace and add more years to the longevity of an unhealthy friendship.

We were, in essence, two perfect strangers in that Starbucks line yesterday.

She knew NOTHING about me and my current state.

And I knew NOTHING of hers.

Heck, she didn’t even know what car I drove!

Probably had no idea what I looked like in person, minus a few IG selfies.

Completely void of anything that had to do with me these days.

Does it make me sad sometimes that her and I no longer share the friendship that we once did?

ABSOLUTELY.

I miss her a ton.

I think I always will.

I’d always envisioned, as a young girl, having her in my life FOR-E-VER.

And maybe she’s reading this and maybe this gives her a small insight as to what life looks like for me lately, but maaan, isn’t it crazy how we meet people, know them, do life alongside them and then, POOF! They exit stage left? Kinda hard to accept that some people are only a part of certain chapters of our lives but not a part of our entire story, don’t you think?

 I’ve always had trouble accepting change and moving forward. Usually, I don’t like to dwell on those feelings, but something’s clearly coming back up today as I’ve been stirred since yesterday morning.

Trying to fix my thoughts on to the beautiful memories made together.

Yes, we were different people.

Children.

Teenagers.

Young adults.

Representatives of the women who’ve come forward since.

But we shared a beautiful life together, for the time that we were in each other’s lives. And I guess there’s some comfort in knowing this: We don’t write our stories so we have no idea what the future holds. 

That’s all.

Do you have an old friend from the past that stirs you in the same way?