I was driving home one afternoon when my phone chimed with a text from my boss.  

Work had become increasingly unhealthy. Months of dysfunction and emotional turmoil culminated in a slew of terminations and resignations. Now, the woman who’d held my heart in the midst of so much change, was up next.

I felt a pang rise in my stomach as my body began processing.

Anxiety tiptoed in the open doors of my mind and sadness began to seep out my heart.

And hand in hand with a deep sigh that traveled from my ankles to my throat came a flood of tears.

A months-long release that cried Lord, I can’t do this anymore.

I’ll be the first one to admit that I have some pretty big emotions. In seasons where uncertainty is more a tenant than a visitor, my emotions can lead me to be a bit self-righteous when it comes to seeing the bigger picture. They can also drive me to be a bit selfish in hiding my emotions from God, downplaying their importance, stupidly thinking I’d overwhelm Him or just plain ashamed of how much control they have sometimes. Perhaps you’ve felt like that. Perhaps you feel like that now.

In the story in Luke 7:36-50, a sinner woman showed up to a dinner Jesus was at, utterly overwhelmed with emotion & absolute love for Him. She broke the “rules” by coming undone at His feet. But instead of reprimanding or chiding her – as the rest of the room – Jesus acknowledged her pain & worship, He forgave her, affirmed her, restored her honor, and most importantly, He SAW her. Verse 44 tells us “Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.” He turned toward the woman. She had His full attention.

His full gaze. 

Sure, there’ve been moments – even in this season – where I’ve judged like Simon. So attached to my own feelings that I haven’t considered those of others. But there are many more times where, in addition to such correction, I’ve received a permission to let my heart bleed out. To come undone before the Lord, with complete abandon. To unravel in His presence. What a reminder that He doesn’t need our pretty or our perfect. Even when our emotions feel too big for us, they’re never too much or too big for Him. He meets us in our brokenness, honors our fragility and fills us afresh.

In the moments where we have more questions than answers, more judgement than grace, He sees us and our endless bounty of raw emotion, flesh, and humanity. 

May this woman’s courage to bring her unfiltered emotion to Jesus be your daily reminder that you have His full gaze.

He can handle you.

ALL of you.

ALL the time.