Man. These past few weeks have been rough. And I mean, rough!
I’ve been in the middle of a few different battles – some spiritual, some relational, all emotional – getting hit from every side of life: work, family, faith, business. Last week, I hit a breaking point. My cup runneth over – and not in a good way. I called off work and drove to the marina where I sat and sifted through all my junk. I was digging deep to uncover exactly what it was that was making a comfy, little home inside the pit of my stomach. I’ve been throwing around this phrase “heart check” for some time now. I’m sure it stemmed from my therapist, who has so many cute terms and phrases which just translate into “tune into self.” I promised myself at the start of the year, I’d do more “heart checks” and designate time to sit and sift through whatever was weighing heavy on my heart.
But I wasn’t designating that time.
I wasn’t designating time for Monique at all.
With every plan and every distraction, my soul grew more and more exhausted. So it was only a matter of time before I hit a wall. But boy, when I did, was it good.
A couple of months ago, on social media, I shared an experience that I had with a dear friend of mine who was in town, on business, celebrating her birthday. This friend and I have known each other for years, but during this last visit, things got real. Like real, real. We pierced a new layer of friendship and spent the evening baring our souls in a beautiful – and very new – exchange of transparency. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Can you believe I wanted to skip out on that encounter? I didn’t even want to be there. In fact, I thought of every way to possibly cancel on her that night. I love her endlessly, but this is the friend that always has it together. When I’m around her, I often pause and wonder what I’m doing wrong. “How the heck does she do it all with such ease?” She’s the friend that has always made me wish I was more extroverted – as I attribute her incredible social skills and bubbly personality to her success. That night, I prayed for comparison to be silenced in her presence and simply for the opportunity to soak in the little bit of time we had together. And then God answered. During dinner, we dove deep into conversation – jumping from one topic to another. Before I knew it, we were both dabbing tears away with the linen napkins. That evening spent with my friend opened my eyes in such a big way. My perception of her life could not have been more inaccurate. My friend didn’t have life pieced together the way I thought. Not even close.
I’ve been reminded of that story over the last few weeks as a certain theme – introduced that night – has continually tapped me on the shoulder when needed most.
A reoccurring topic of conversation during dinner and coffee dates.
A popular theme of quotes, memes or stories that show on my social media scroll.
A consistent encouragement or revelation shared during spiritual messages or prayers.
Say it again, Monique,
NO ONE HAS IT ALL TOGETHER.
A few days ago, I had my weekly small group meetup. I LOVE my small group – you’ll probably see, like, 100 more posts about these women and their ridiculous influence on my life, but I found myself with that same pit feeling just as I had for dinner with my dear friend. I didn’t want to go. What excuse could I use? I’d been open with them before about life, but after a few weeks of emotional draining, the last thing I wanted to do was sit around with them with all of my baggage. I beat myself up about the negative feelings I was experiencing, ashamed to call myself a believer since it felt like I was idolizing my feelings more than God. I found myself at a dead-end with any excuse I tried to muster up for that evening. The Lord knew my need.
So we met, diving straight into loads of conversation. We never seem to have any shortage of topics in that department. And then the questions started to roll:
>> What are you struggling with right now?
>> Who do you need to forgive?
>> What has your prayer time revealed to you this week?
>> How can I pray for you?
Oh geez. Ya know that awkward pause that follows the question: “who wants to go first?” Yeah, there was one of those. I knew I didn’t want to start. In my head, everyone went around the table saying “things are great, God is so good and so faithful. I’ve forgiven everyone I need to. I’m blessed, I’ve been in the word every single day, I’m so successful in everything I do” blah, blah, blah. I was wrestling between sharing and holding it in. My highlight reel shared only the good – my registration for another round of Creative @ Heart, the exciting business anecdotes and overall feel good posts. But behind the squares, I was starting to get overwhelmed with ALLLL of the business to-dos that were piling up on my list. I started to scroll others’ feeds envying their success and their ability to blend vulnerability with empowerment. I was overworked in the last few weeks as my office mate at work was fired. Why do companies fire employees first and think about how systems will maintain function after? Chaos. I was overly emotional with some of the strained family dynamics going on right now. If you read my leap year post, there’s some back ground on that. Not to mention, I wasn’t making time for Jesus. Or for blogging. Or for LoveMo. Or for myself. Or for saving. Or for buying a home. Or for laundry, cleaning my room, cooking at home each night, sleeping in…I mean, the list really could’ve gone on and on. My pile of “shame on you, Monique” grew. The monotonous cycle of sit in traffic — work 10 hours — sit in traffic again — veg for a couple of hours — go to sleep — repeat circled in my head. Hence my funk. I let all of that shame fall, and I forgot to move. I let it fall straight on me. And even worse, I put my hands out as if to try to carry it. With that weight, I neglected self. I started to come down hard on everything I wasn’t doing right instead of focusing on what I was doing right.
One by one, the girls start sharing their hearts and revealing their struggles over the past few weeks. And one by one, I found myself in awe. I found myself reflecting on that dinner date with my friend.
NO ONE HAS IT ALL TOGETHER.
I wasn’t reading my Bible. I wasn’t praying as much as I knew I should be. I wasn’t walking in the fruits of the Spirit 7 days a week. I struggled to forgive certain people. And the whole work-life balance? Yea, that wasn’t happening too. But you know what? I was nurturing relationships around me. I was working hard and being a light in my workplace. I was allowing my emotional and spiritual growth take root in building a company that would bring that vulnerability and empowerment to people across the country. I was growing through the dirt. And I wasn’t alone. These women, whose lives God so perfectly aligned with mine, were battling too. And what I perceived to be true from the outside was so far from what was true on the inside. The same struggles I was up against were true for them. The same battles I was fighting were facing them. By the time the questions circled around to me, the first thing that blurted out was “yep, to everything you said,” followed was a huge sigh. It was the second time I felt the Lord answering my need. Acknowledging that He saw me.
Yeah, these past few weeks have been rough.
But maybe God breaks us down in order to increase our need of Him. Maybe we need to get to a point of vulnerability so we can align with others who show us “no one’s got it all together.” That phrase has been like a hug from Heaven, reminding me that I’m simply experiencing the hills and valleys of life.
In the same way I drove home from dinner with my friend months ago, reflecting on how often we see the social media feed and assume things are amazing, I drove home from my small group with the same awestruck mindset. How often we see someone and make assumptions about their life, their walk, their family life, etc. How frequently we stop at someone’s smile on the outside or at their “I’m good” without ever digging a little deeper.
If you have family or friends in your life who seem to have it all together, people who you stay away from when you feel a little out of sorts, people who make you feel like you’re the only hot mess walking around…you might want to schedule some face time with those folks. Like, really check in with them. Be vulnerable with them. Ask the deeper questions. “How are you feeling these days? How can I pray for you? What are you struggling with?” They might just surprise you and show you that NO ONE HAS IT ALL TOGETHER.
Until the next heart check,
Mo
