Last week, I had writers block.

And it’s not like I didn’t have anything to say.

In fact, I think the opposite was true.

I think I had so much to say that my brain couldn’t figure out which thought to grasp onto.

That same Monday morning, someone asked me: “is it that you have writer’s block, orrr is there something you want to say that scares you?”

Hmm…I hadn’t thought about it like that.

But in that context, ya know, maybe there were some things that I was scared to let seep out.

Like saying I’m proud of myself.

Because I am.

But I’m scared to say that out loud because I never have before.

I don’t want to come across boastful or prideful.

And it usually takes just a sprinkling of judgement to get me in my head and make me question what I have to be proud of.

I don’t pat myself on the back often.

And I think that’s because I grew up only hearing “I’m proud of you” when big, performative events occurred (awards, college acceptance, car purchases, etc.)

I equate that kinda pride with a significant achievement.

And if I look around right now, I don’t have any significant achievement to be “proud” of, in that sense.

But if I had to get really honest with Monique this morning, I might tell her this:

I’M PROUD OF YOU.

I’m proud of who you are.

I’m proud of everything you stand for.

I’m proud of the frustrating strongholds and the generational curses you find yourself under some days because, guess what, you’re committed to working at them and being better.

I’m proud of your commitment to self.

I’m proud of the heart you have to want to guide others into the same committment.

I’m proud of you for honoring what God is showing you, even when it feels completely ludicrous.

I’m proud of you for saying no to opportunities that would create false idols.

I’m proud of how you show up in the world and in every relationship you have.

I’m proud of how others experience you.

I’m proud of your discipline in managing what little finances you have right now.

I’m proud of your independence.

I’m proud of how you’re navigating these new routines, and the ever-changing emotions that accompany them.

I’m proud of your vision.

And most of all, I’m proud of you for finally building, not just a business you love, but a life you love.

Phew.

Talk about healing.

Excuse me while I gather myself.

I had a really rough start to this whole self-employment lifestyle. 

On any given day in the first month, I was karate-chopping fear, doubt, worry, and frustration. 

But this month has been significantly different. 

I’ve been surrounded by women who are turning their passions into profit and living in abundance, rather than in the leftovers. And it’s been inspiring, to say the least. I think there’s always been a part of me that has sought MORE. 

I always wanted to build a legacy. 

Write my own story. 

Leave my mark on a generation. 

Do work that I was incredibly passionate about.

But there was always apprehension in sharing that, for me, as I feared it would come across and make others feel as though they were settling in life. So I shrunk back my desire for more to make others comfortable around me. I silenced my voice in moments when my spirit really needed to hear “I’m proud of you.”

But even in the shrinking and the silence, it was always there.

So, to be able to go after it right now, surrounded by women who have the same big MORE-NESS that I do, is filling.

And something I’m so deeply, deeply proud of.