I will not get overwhelmed today.

I will not get overwhelmed today. 

I will not get overwhelmed today. 

Literally repeating that in my head, even as I type this. 

I didn’t know what I was going to write this morning, to be honest. There are some weekends where thoughts erupt and Monday morning, I’m like a free-flowing river, words pouring out of me. But there are other weekends where it feels as though thoughts are as many as cars in LA traffic and the highway to my fingertips is the Grapevine. #iykyk

This was one of those weekends.

And I struggle with that. How can I have so much to share and yet be so stuck? Discernment, perhaps. Growing the wisdom to know what to share and when. But I also find it has a correlation to margin. And when I don’t have any margin, especially for myself, I power down. Or off, as was the case last week. 

Last Monday, I found myself so overwhelmed I had to bail on book club, which I absolutely haaate doing because it’s SO good. Probably one of my favorite nights of the week. But I couldn’t function. I cried. I froze. And then I fell asleep on my laptop. Ninety minutes later, I woke up, hand still covering my mouse, and realized my body had activated its “sleep mode” because apparently I could process nothing more. 

HAS THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?

If you think about the last time your computer suddenly turned off in the middle of something you were working on, it was likely for an update, or because its inner components overheated.

It was easy for me to connect the dots between my computer powering down and me powering down last week.

My inner components overheated.

I was working too hard.

Had too many tabs open.

I was expending too much energy without taking a break to cool down.

And maybe that’s relatable. I think, on any given week, so many of us “hustle” or fill our agendas with things that “haaaave” to get done that we kick our good ol’ self care down the list. Or off completely. People’s expectations of us showing up trump the expectation we should have of US showing up for ourselves. 

I’m guilty. And more than I’d like to admit, especially as the owner of a self-care inspired business! 

But I’ve been hanging on to the whole “update” thing this weekend, for some reason and I’m kinda wondering what updates I’ve been too “busy” to slow down and receive.

Or what upgrades my system has required in order to operate God’s way.

Have I been so preoccupied with to-dos and tasks and responsibilities and people that I’ve missed it? Was I disobedient? Was I so stubborn that God, literally, had to power me off, just to get something to me? 

Call me crazy, but I woke up from that 90 minute nap different. Seriously (I laugh as I type that!) I woke up, updated. Upgraded. My system had a moment to cool down and reset. As I lifted my head from my laptop, something snapped back into position because last week was one of the most clear, laser-focused, and CREATIVE weeks I’ve had in over a year. I felt a strength within like I was operating with greater power, greater capability, greater support. I was able to determine which tabs I could close and which new ones I should open. 

Made me a little guilty for all of the curse words I’d mumble under my breath when my computer would reboot. It needed to. It was necessary to get to more optimal levels.

And my friend, the same is true for us.