The levees that contain my desire to live creatively are about to break.

I feel the creaking every single day.

And my intention for MORE this year has only highlighted the ways in which my body has been imprisoned with living a standard, American-dream-approved, 9-5 life that SOMEHOW FEELS emptier than what I know God has for me.

Disclaimer: I feel a certain newsletter brewin’ – a no holds barred, super raw, unleashing of this so called “American Dream” so many are running after. And before you come after me with a family history that plants your own roots here in the good ol’ USA, please know that this is in now way an attack on those whose families have truly found their dream in this great country. I am a daughter of parents born outside of this continent so I get it. I just don’t want the American Dream to be the standard we’re all anchored to and looked at crazy for, for wanting to explore something new. BTW, this won’t be that newsletter (…I don’t think), but I just feel it coming. And soon.

Last week, I shared a verrry brief recap of my business beginnings and my recent awakening of creativity as it pertains to entrepreneurship. And I posed some questions that I hope sparked something within you this past week. Some questions, I, myself, wanted to sit with and chew on.

• What stops you from doing the things you most want to do? What’s your Achilles heel?
• What stops you from dreaming?
• What’s a big dream for your life? Say it out loud. Maybe you’re the one that really needs to hear it.

What stops me from doing the things I most want to do?

• MYSELF. 90% of the time, I get in my own way. My self-doubt, negative self talk, hyper-overthinking, and need for control makes it hard for God to do His thing, I’m sure. If I sat myself down, turned off my thinking and was my own #1 cheerleader, I’m a little scared of where I might find myself, honestly. Which brings me to #2.
• FEAR: My stronghold since who knows when. It’s either fear of not having control or knowing what comes next, fear of it actually all working out like I dream it to, or fear of what others think. I’m usually operating in one of those. And fear of what others think leads nicely to #3.
• MY FRIENDS & FAMILY: I love these people. Madly. But somewhere in my childhood, I learned to seek approval first from others rather than from God. So maaan, my family and friends have had tremendous influence over me and my dreams, whether they ever knew it or not. I should change that to present tense because…yes, it still happens. Any small doubts – be it a facial expression, or something they DON’T say – and I’ll shut down any operation I was hyping myself up to begin.
• And….if I had to pick a 4th, I’d probably say MONEY…let’s be real.

What stops me from dreaming?

I don’t think anything stops me from dreaming. My problem comes from transitioning out of dreaming and into moving.

I’m a very good dreamer. In fact, I think I’ve had the same dream (same bubble, not verbatim) for the last 3-ish years. So I’m pretty locked in.

[>> adding something to my answer here] But I think many stop themselves from dreaming because dreaming can feel like fantasy, or unattainable, or so starkly different than the circumstance you see right in front of you. Life happens for us all, but so many shut off one of the most true and authentic parts of WHO THEY ARE and WHO THEY WERE CREATED TO BE…and that’s dreaming. If you’re someone who doesn’t dream, but wants to, there’s neuroscience studies to vouch. You CAN stimulate your dreams. You can pray for them to be activated too! Set aside 10-15 minutes a day to simply let your mind wander. See where it goes!]

What’s a big dream for my life?

I dream of a life oozing with impact and influence, one where I get to build intimate relationships with God’s daughters (and sons) to ignite their gifts and self-confidence, to champion their callings and to grow their faith in Him and their desire to live abundantly.

I dream of a freedom I do not currently know.

One where LIFE takes center stage in the whole “work/life balance” thing we claim to do.

A freedom where I get to stamp my own imprint on my family’s story and create my own traditions.

A freedom to build a legacy all my own, in healthy partnership with my husband (whoooo! Saying this part out loud: HUSBAND!)

A freedom to be physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually present for my children.

A freedom to do things my way, to try new things without fearing failure, to make mistakes, to triumph over the BS excuses, TO TRAVEL….A LOT, to soak in experiences and live not “in the world” but around it.

A freedom found in the peace of a family restored.

A freedom that knows no bounds.

I know there’s so much MORE in me that I’m just now falling in love with – can you imagine if we all uncovered our MORE and fell in love with US again?

I’ll let you in on a little secret:

The thing I MOST want to do right now…right in this very moment, February 2023?

I dream of spending a couple of months in Europe.

Unplugged from the hustle and plugged in to humanity.

Maybe running my business from a little cafe along the Seine in Paris.

Or leading a Zoom call with the Swiss Alps as my backdrop.

Empowering women from a cozy AirBnb in Tuscany.

Or catching up on my reading from under an Alder tree on the River Thames in London.

THAT’S the dream that’s right in front of me.

That’s the dream that me, fear, friends, family, and money can easily stop me from dreaming about.

From moving towards.

The levees that contain my desire to live abundantly are about to break.

I feel the cracking every single day.

And when they finally break open, I think I might just be headed for that abundant life that’s had my name on it all along.