Maaan.

This is a tough one.

I’ve wrestled with this one for a few days now. Whether to share. How to share. How to tell a story without sharing too much information.

Truth is…I still don’t really know how this is going to come out.

I guess I’m just hoping that my story will encourage one of you in your stories – OR (even better) that maybe one of you has a similar experience that will encourage me and fuel a bit of my faith.

I’m currently watching someone I love spiral.

Completely spiral.

I don’t even want to type “out of control” at the end, because 1) I don’t want to accept it and 2) I have hope that even though it may be out of THEIR control, it’s not out of God’s control.

  I’ve done my best to be there for this person, showing up during one of the hardest seasons of our lives. As one who knows all too well just how deep grief can settle and the many ways in which it manifests, it’s been hard to sit and watch a deep-seeded grief rise up and completely take hold of this person. To watch them, in many ways, fall victim to outside influences and to fall in love with counterfeit Gods.

For weeks, people have approached me, seeking advice, asking for prayer, poking at me for some sort of wise counsel to escape from between my lips. And though my response was always directed to prayer, the truth was: I was scared too. Crushed. Looking for answers. Worried just like them. I just hid it better. And in all reality, the prayer I pointed them to was prayer I desperately needed for myself.

Yesterday, I couldn’t contain my emotions any longer and tears flooded out of my eyes. On the outside, all I could do was cry. On the inside, I was screaming Lord, give me the words this person needs to hear to pivot and come back!  How far gone are they? What do I say? Why are they behaving this way? Where is the hurt? Help me!!!!!

At church yesterday, I talked about how I struggle sometimes with putting God in a box (talked about that last week) and how, the need-to-know, detail-oriented, event planner within me wants to know all the plans, all the time. I still struggle with the mystery of God…His infinite ways…His creative pursuit of us…and His ability to make good out of EVERY situation. 

Funny how my meltdown came just hours after that admission.

Feels like He’s giving me another mystery to put my faith in.

Trusting that He would keep this person near to Him…that He wouldn’t let them spiral too far out. Lord, give them a fresh vision to see our heart’s intent, our deep love for them, and our desire for only the best. Would you rid our conversations of any language barriers and misunderstandings so that only clear, distinct, honest dialogue would flow through. We trust you fully. Even though we can’t see where this road leads exactly…we are resting in the mystery of You. Amen.

Have any of you ever watched a loved one spiral out of control?