It’s a wonder I’ve made it this far.

And I mean that from a physical, like health, standpoint because I’ve realized, in the last four years or so, how destructive and harmful storing feelings can be on your body. I should preface this whole email by saying I’m fine. LOL. Felt the need to ease the worry for some. In fact, I sense that these next few months, I’ll likely find myself under MANY spiritual attacks simply because I know I’m about to dive into something that’s, not only been on my heart for most of those four years, but also something that’s SO needed. Especially right now.

Whoa.

Total deja vu as I typed that.

I sat down this morning to dissect what’s really been on my heart lately and initially was going to write about the millions of feelings that came flooding in after a pretty uncomfortable conversation on Saturday night. Many feelings. All the feelings. But I remember driving home that night and just feeling an overwhelming sadness, particularly because I was thinking about…tables. So our women’s ministry recently “rebranded” and adopted this overall theme of “the table,” with the tagline:

You have a seat at the table.

But our women’s ministry wasn’t the first to introduce this table concept, obviously. In fact, the podcast I co-host had this same concept when creating our To Gather | Together name (and logo!) The table is a beautiful metaphor for belonging. And at the core of every woman is the desire to belong somewhere.

 But the more I started thinking about that uncomfortable conversation and what I was holding onto and not sharing right away, the more I realized that my sadness stemmed from the inability to sit at two tables simultaneously, or wait, maybe it was the inability to gather with the same friends at every table, or even worse…maybe it was that some women still feel as though they don’t have a seat at any given table.

Maybe the combination of it all is what’s been making my heart so heavy this weekend. Because I’ve been in all three scenarios. And in fact, in this exact moment, I feel experienced in them all.

Women need their people. They need their space. They need consistency in sharing their feelings with someone…their real feelings. They need the outlet. They need the support. They need the encouragement.

I, for one, am a storer. It’s something I learned from many around me – stuff those feelings down, don’t be so emotional, don’t say a word or ruffle any feathers, speaking up for yourself will cause unnecessary drama, their feelings are more important than your feelings, walking on eggshells is better than confrontation… BULL.

Total bull.

If we’re encouraging women to have a seat at the table, or better yet, to create tables of their own, they first need to know one thing: THEY MATTER.

Their place matters. Their voices matter. Their feelings matter.

Can I share a secret with you?

I’m still a work in progress. I still easily stuff my feelings down in an effort to not be so emotional or so needy, or too dramatic. I’d rather stay quiet than ruffle any feathers. And still, I believe other people’s feelings carry more weight than my own at times. It takes awhile to reverse 30+ years of routine thinking, ya know?

But in the last few years, my heart has grown incredibly comfortable in having safe spaces to share. Whether on my therapist’s couch or in weekly meetups with my girls, I’ve rested in knowing that each week, there were going to be conversations shared that allowed for offloading. Until the meetups weren’t weekly and life filled up the calendar. And remember that whole “women need consistency” thing…yeah. ME. I’M the woman that needs consistency. I don’t do well when I have no one to share life with. When I can’t sit face to face and truly lay what I’m carrying out in front of me, guess what? I end up storing it.

Ugh, and then there’s the challenge of sitting at tables that grow you and encourage you to take up your full space, only for that confidence and boldness to open up seats at new tables that…maybe are only for YOU and not for your friends. Yeahhh, that’s a conversation for next week.

I share this all today for two reasons – two invitations really: 

The first is an invitation to our FREE 2021 virtual women’s conference, appropriately called The Feast (because…well…what do you do at tables? You FEAST!) If you’re free this Saturday (September 18), I encourage you to tune in online. It’s only a couple of hours and the message is well worth every minute. To register, click the button below. And please let me know if you’re watching!

The second is an invitation to join me this Fall. After many years of totally denying what God was speaking over me, I’m officially starting a women’s group + Bible study. Pause for internal screaming. And while I’m preparing mentally, spiritually, emotionally AND physically for everything that it’ll hold over the next few months, I can’t lie – I’m SO excited. (So excited that I’ve literally…just right now…began to cry at the thought of this group) It’s everything I know I’ve ever dreamed of…for me, and for other women. And I’m just so ready to host a consistent space for women to offload each week – to share their struggles and celebrate their wins, to connect, to find their voice or maybe to use it for the first time in a long time. I’m excited for them to discover their value and take up their space. And most, for them to see themselves the way Jesus sees them. The way He’s ALWAYS seen them.