I’m faced with both a beginning AND an end this week.

(sigh)

I’M GOING BACK TO WORK TODAY.

Yep.

It’s been 16 months – 485 days to be exact – that I’ve been off of work.

16 months away from hotels.

16 months wondering if I’d ever go back – both to working for someone else and to event planning, in general.

16 months of stretching, waiting, struggling, preparing, worrying, celebrating, observing, doing, crying, rejoicing, talking, writing, reviving and resting..

As I began to share this news with family and friends, the same question began to echo: How do you feel about it?

The immediate response in my head? No clue.

The immediate response out of my mouth? “I’m ready.”

And while the last few days has been extremely busy, with birthday celebrations a plenty, this past weekend was the perfect opportunity to stop. drop. and self care a bit, honestly answering that question for myself. How DO I feel about going back to work after all this time?

In actuality, I AM ready. One major revelation I experienced during the pandemic is that I AM MORE THAN MY JOB. I’m so much more than just an event planner. I’m so much more than someone who works in hospitality. I am so much more than the role that I hold. For years – decades even – whenever I would think about my purpose, it was always wound so tightly to what I did, the role or title I held, and how far up the ladder of success and status I could climb. I became a slave to my job – working overtime and taking on more than I should’ve simply because I COULD, not because it was mine to take. I burned out pretty early on in every job, but kept pushing because somehow my value was linked to being needed and being valued by my colleagues and my company. My burnout spread like wildfire, literally scorching everything it touched. And not in a good way. I began to hate work. People got under my skin easily. I was full of resentment and criticism. I found myself praying – in solitude and with my therapist most weeks – for a release.

And then I lost my job.

Boyyyyy, was that a wake up call!

One I’m actually thankful for now.

I was unhealthily employed – and though I could do many things, I wasn’t squeezing the fruit out of my experience. I wasn’t present in the moment. The Lord gave me this job… on purpose. He aligned me with specific individuals… on purpose. He developed skills and gifts within me… on purpose. Each and every day, I had the opportunity to meet with Him, to be led by Him, to focus on Him, and to experience Him in the sweetest of ways. But instead, I replaced Him with my feelings, my bitterness, my disgust, my overwhelm, my exhaustion…and it slowly sucked the life out of me. If I’ve felt anything within the last 16 months, it’s been this sense of a refill. A refreshment. A refocus.

And so when I respond with “I’m ready,” I really am. I’m ready to form a new routine. I’m ready to interact with people again. I’m ready to put into practice this whole “I am more than my job” attitude. I’m ready to be fully present in every moment and in every day. And I’m ready to discover the PURPOSE I have in being here…for however long that may be. Perhaps I didn’t squeeze the fruit out of my experience before. But I won’t make that mistake twice.

This time, I’m coming for every last drop!