Can I get a bit deep? I mean, can we just talk about counseling for a minute?

Eeeek, as soon as I typed that, I felt the cringe. Despite all the good rooted in its purpose, that word has always carried such a heaviness. Can’t a person just want a little more heart therapy?

I was hesitant to leap into counseling. Like many people, I was groomed to believe that being emotional was a sign of weakness, emotions were negative – something you hold back and avoid sharing. I always felt so guilty for feeling sad or hurt so I stuffed those feelings and allowed them to mold into more dominant and harsh emotions like anger, bitterness and resentment over time. For years, I abandoned myself in order to stand strong for others. I attempted to carry the burden of so many. It was way easier to focus on someone else’s trouble than my own. It was easier for me to be a pillar of strength for people. But it was only a matter of time before I’d crumble under a weight I was never designed to carry.

I’ve known for years that counseling was my gateway to healing, But for every urge I had to go, I had an apprehension there to meet it. How would I know when I found the right fit? Would this person understand my season or the specific things happening in my life? How could I express years of hurt in a matter of hours? Will I be ready to fully dive in to whatever challenge awaits? Will it be worth the money?

Over time, my soul’s desire grew deeper than its fear. And so, I leaped.

That was September 2018. And it’s been worth EVERY. SINGLE. PENNY.

From the moment I first spoke with Lori, my heart was completely at rest. I expected to be anxious, nervous, judged or overly emotional but she had such a warm and inviting spirit. She was so easy to talk to, quick to listen and slow to speak, led fully by the Holy Spirit and quickly became one of the most insanely knowledgeable people in my life today. Through our many conversations, I realized just how much junk I’d been suppressing over the years and just how quickly I was to neglect self over others. By the end of our first session, I had a laundry list of issues to tackle. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the challenge ahead, we studied just how interconnected each was with the other and with that information, I was encouraged to officially begin my journey to healing and quickly found myself with this weekly craving for time on the couch. Our time together was never rushed, never breezed over, and in those dedicated sessions, I learned the value of pressing pause, the value of really sitting and “feeling” each emotion before moving to the next thing. I learned how to check in with my heart, pay attention to where my body stores discomfort and grief. I learned the value of self-care.

The last few months have been anything but simple and abundantly challenging. I see growth. I feel growth. And I’m encouraged to keep fighting. And for once, for me. Better mind, better spirit, better soul, better HEART.  To have someone pour into you, focus on you, remind you that you matter is priceless. And needed. So desperately needed today. I’m thankful for Lori. Ever so thankful. I have been singing her praises for months and will continue to refer any and every one I know her way (as long as they don’t steal any couch time from me!)